It's Not Been An Easy Day



Seeking resilience by "Anchoring" in

Reflection

I will not lie. Today's been a tough day. Like so many other families, all four of us now "officially" co-habitat in our tiny house (Well, a castle by tiny house terms, but 1100 square feet is what we've called HOME our entire "family career".)

The day turned "dreary" hours after sunrise. Fog, drizzle, mist, gray skies. Typically, a dismal day re-energizes my "forever summer" soul. But not today. Each raindrop was a stamp of how difficult the day was becoming. Surreal, if I was a bystander looking in. The world on hold; families being sentenced to stay together, connect, bond, have a relationship, buy back the days you wish you still had because life has passed in a blink.

But instead the days that would have been a "gift" are today, pressurized. Difficult. Every word, sentence, statement - dissected. Misinterpreted. Feeling the need for space. The desire to connect, but owning the need to be disconnected to survive the pressure of the day. Every rain drop, fog bank, gray cloud putting it's mark on the day. Nature pronouncing its power.

I'm very blessed to not own a curtain - except in our bedroom. When the kids were young they thought we lived in a fish bowl, of which we kind of do. Our "tiny house" living room, of which is half our "tiny house" sports one solid wall of glass doors and windows. Sometimes we see ourselves, sometimes we see outdoors, sometimes others see us. But there are always REFLECTIONS. It just depends which way you are looking.

Today I found my uncertainty, my frustration, my fears, my unfulfilled desires, were my REFLECTION - to the attitudes that my family were now resonating. Their words, actions and unspoken fears were mirroring exactly what I was emulating. If I looked into the glass doors sometimes I saw me, sometimes them, sometimes the amazing beauty unfolding outdoors as nature continually evolved with her own beautifully "gloomy day" mission and purpose in mind.

REFLECTION.

I'm not apologizing for the tough day, but truthfully owning it. Not denying it, but grounding and leaning into it. This is a tough time; uncharted territories. But if I ignore it, try to be more stoic than the process, nothing is gained.

REFLECTION.

Nature unfolded continually before me today. I probably mumbled several dozen times of "how gorgeous it is outside" as fog banks turned to white back drops, then disappeared into "apple green" spring, drizzle would gray the picture, then push repeat. Just like inside, our world was continually changing. "Careful, he's having a tough day." "I don't think he meant what he said." "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intent." Today, living on the brink of chaos, difficulty, anxiety and distorted scenarios. 

REFLECTION.

And confession. Tonight. To be humble, real, truthful as I reflect on a day that was laborious to manage. REFLECTION on what's inside through the lens of nature outside.




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