Ask Yourself

Anchoring in today to #beresilient with the word

Why

During these current times, that word can easily be used in a self-defeated, protective, reactionary, averting way. "Why me?" "Why now?" "Why this?" As an adult, the "why" word generally is questioning those things that are not within our control. However, today I settled in for a deeper sense of personal exploration, wanting to investigate the decisions I make regarding what is in my control. Not a superficial, reactionary, "why", but one that leans into the true root cause and reason.

Why.

I chose the photo above because it's me, at the ripe ole' age of about four, sporting my "one and only" swimsuit back then - the black one piece. Mom and Dad never had a lot of disposable income; they worked very hard for all we had growing up. We lived in the country, where other's didn't want to live back then, thus the "remote" house on the shores of a very underpopulated lake with a six mile dirt road to get to it. Thus, my little black swimsuit, the only one they could afford, that I wore every summer from the age of three to six, and is documented in every summer photo we have from "back then". But I know I'm four in this photo; it was the year before I actually got up on that Cypress Gardens wooden water ski on Lake Austin. I "practiced" my lean daily, with my ski rope hitched to the cedar fence post that circled our property, yard and horse pasture - all the same.

Why.

Four years old. The golden age of asking "why" constantly, for every action, word, activity, decision. "We're eating chicken tonight." "Why?" "We're driving the truck." "Why?" "We're not bathing tonight?" "Why?" "I'm going to read a book now." "Why?" Every question, based out of the desire for truth and knowledge. I remember it with our boys and I'm sure many of you are either currently living in that world or remember it well. However, as children we want to gain understanding and reason of what we can control, what decisions are being made, concepts that are created, actions that will be made. As children, we are forming knowledge and truth.

Why.

As an adult, I'm not really sure when I've asked myself that word lately. I did today while running then biking because the word had begun resonating with me. Why am I sitting on this bike looking at a wall? Ya, ya. To follow up a run, spin off some energy, to challenge my body. Yaddy yadda. That's auto-pilot. But WHY? I dug a bit deeper. Because I didn't have anything else to do for those two hours? Uh, because I enjoy that kind of activity? Nope, not deep enough yet. WHY? Well, really because I was filling a void. I was frustrated. I needed some answers. I had some questions. Oh, and you think you'll get them running and biking? No, I will not. If you really want me to quench curiosity, I will not get them because of running and biking. I will hear the answer when my world gets silent, my mind gets focused and I am seeking to hear my inner voice.

Why.

That voice inside my soul that will answer when I choose to listen, it's opinion eager to deliver. Thus, I need to be better at asking the question. Not living on auto pilot, a place, as adults, when we tend to jump on the gerbil wheel and not come off for weeks, months or years. We get complacent, stop growing, stop living our worth, our truth, meaning and purpose. We are biological beings; our physical selves may stop growing, but spiritually, emotionally and holistically, we are meant to always grow, pursue and flourish. Or else we are stunted of the ultimate lives and selves that we were meant to have and be.

Why.

Comfort? Fear? Denial? Loss of belief? Loss of desire? There are many reasons we may stop asking WHY and settle in. I recently listened to an interview with Alicia Keys, who was reflecting on this current gift of time and how she was indulging in it. She shared she was spending time with her "teen self", to listen, ask and inquire what that young woman would think of the woman she had become. Tapping in to the intuition of youth, when we are malleable, mold-able, listening to our own voice, our truth and not that of other's opinion, society's impression, or misconceptions; prioritizing someone else's truth instead of our own.

Why.

Time to come back to our promise to ourselves from our youth. To be seekers of purpose and wisdom; inquiring within ourselves constantly and intentionally. And as Alicia Keys says in her new book:

"Rather than resisting the current, be willing to surrender."